Bacon-Feet and Other Useless Threats

Have you ever found yourself making ridiculous threats, like "I will slice your feet off, and cook them up as bacon"? I mean, how practical is that? Feet stink, bacon doesn't, I'm pretty sure bacon doesn't sweat, and last I checked, bacon has delicious stripes of fat instead of toes.

(The text above is a link. Go to it. I don't have time to get the formatting right. Sorry.)

Yet somehow, I keep on finding myself making incredibly stupid threats. Of course, my brother takes it a step further. He once threatened to knock my face in with a broomdoor. What a broomdoor is, the world will never know.

(Broomdoor? I think that looks a little bit more like a paintbrush. Hey, if somebody goes and invents a broomdoor, let me have some of the money? Okay?)

End of the World... Again.

So, hey guys, I'm kinda new at this. Lemme introduce myself. I'm Ed. I'm in Kansas City. I'm currently in high school (but only for 732 more days). By the way, if you're very religious, or don't like the mocking of the overly religious, you may want to turn back. I might be too liberal for my own good.

Anyways, today was supposed to be the end of the world, right? Big chance for everyone to freak out.

(This, in case you can't tell, is a picture of me freaking out. There's fire behind me just to prove how terrified I am.)

But why am I terrified?

Some guy named Harold Camping has decided that the rapture, being the beginning of the end of the world, would come on May 21st, 1994, and if not, then on May 21st, 2011. Well, it didn't, and we're still here.

(Camping... Hmmm.... Isn't that supposed to be something like this? I don't see fire and brimstone and crap like that in this

pleasant little picture of CAMPING.)

What really gets me is the whole "and if not" thing. I mean, "Yeah, we're all gonna die on this day, and if we don't, it'll be on this day way over here."

But, yeah, Camping is just one of many doomsday prophets. You know the Jehovah's Witnesses? They were originally founded in like 1914 (I'm saying this from memory. Don't hate me if I'm wrong.), and predicted the end of the world every couple of years from then on, until they got so sick of being wrong, that they just started saying that the end was coming soon.

And somehow, this justifies knocking

on your door early saturday mornings.

The original "end of the world" as far as the Christian church is concerned, though, was actually all the way back some time around the year

50 AD when the Apostle Paul died. Everyone thought...

Ever since then, the world's been ending every couple of years. Kinda makes you wonder how Mars feels...