Bacon-Feet and Other Useless Threats

Have you ever found yourself making ridiculous threats, like "I will slice your feet off, and cook them up as bacon"? I mean, how practical is that? Feet stink, bacon doesn't, I'm pretty sure bacon doesn't sweat, and last I checked, bacon has delicious stripes of fat instead of toes.

(The text above is a link. Go to it. I don't have time to get the formatting right. Sorry.)

Yet somehow, I keep on finding myself making incredibly stupid threats. Of course, my brother takes it a step further. He once threatened to knock my face in with a broomdoor. What a broomdoor is, the world will never know.

(Broomdoor? I think that looks a little bit more like a paintbrush. Hey, if somebody goes and invents a broomdoor, let me have some of the money? Okay?)